WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
