when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
