Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
