My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
even my farts smell like vagina
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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