he shaved USA in his pubs
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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