So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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