I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
