Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
