In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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