I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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