I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
