i just wanna soil my oats bro
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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