I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
