Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize