But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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