Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize