im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
