no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
