Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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