I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
