There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
