My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize