He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
