3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
