There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize