Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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