what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
