I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
