No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
