i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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