i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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