P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
