what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
