Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
