im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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