i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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