i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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