Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize