the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
