I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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