I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
