if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
