I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
