Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Congratulations! We have a period
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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