Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
