you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
