he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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