Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
