There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
