So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
