Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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