Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
