if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
