you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
