You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize