Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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