How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
