The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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