She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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