aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize