Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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