is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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