you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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