So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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