I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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