God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize