Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My breasts were aching with rage.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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