There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he fucked my hip out of place.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
