My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
