well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
