I am full of burrito and curiosity
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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