i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
