If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
