Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
