You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
