I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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