Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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