I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
