OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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