Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
