this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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