she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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